Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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