Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
