Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
