I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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