Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
