after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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