If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You smell like stripper and shame
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
