my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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