Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
