Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
