Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
