There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
