Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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