u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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