can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
