Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
