i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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