Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
