so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
