I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
