just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
