i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
