oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
