I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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