are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You can't special order awesome
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
