Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
