i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
