Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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