Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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