All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
