It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
from now on my penis is your penis
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
