I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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