At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
