i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
