So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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