Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
