Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
