so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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