I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
