Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
