I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
