So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
