i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
