I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
