The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
