Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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