The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
