I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
