i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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