When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
